MotHeRhood - A Journey for Life!

God created me through love... to shower warmth, affection and grace.

He created me to laugh & spread laughter, joy & smiles in everyone's life.

Never I knew the purpose, till I desired motherhood and experienced the wisdom of becoming a Maa, Mother & Mom.

I lived with a life outside and now inside me through Conception.

Nurturing, Protecting and Warming it silently became a way of my life.

Someone is growing within, it's my own. 

Like my heart and soul.

I can't touch him/her, but can feel the kick of joy within.

Now I walk with caution.. Slowly... Giving it the joy of ride.

Strange, I am not living for self, but for someone yet not known.

Now I dream, desire, hope and want, my day to come soon...

I am cautious, nervous... but excited too.. to hold it in my arms and enjoy the feeling within.

I don't know it by name, but yes its mine and

I'll experience my life in it now...

You need to be a woman, to know the journey from womanhood to motherhood...

It has been a journey of adding life to... my life...!

A Snap Opinion

The practice is gone and so is the touch and urge to write. These days am all clammed up as work, work n more work pressure presides my creative soul..sigh!! My creativity has subsided, this work pressure, family life storm has literally blinded me. Don't know where to take refuge, the storm and the rain within me doesn't allow me to walk alone.. they resides inside me. Ahh!! now am getting bored with my sick rantings..  move on seems to be new mantra of life!!

Well, so moving on I read an article of criticism about our CM Mamata Banerjee in the newspaper..the title reads 'Intimidation in Bengal'. Am saddened, troubled a bit also.. my most lovin' city in the world is lying in an insecure perch..with no one to care, no one to embrace. Comin' from a staunch Communist supporting family, I was always considered as the 'Black Sheep' of the family, always loud n clear about my anti-communist political views. Yes, am a very political person, raised in a conservative political family comes with its own benefits and adversities. I was always inclined towards the opposite direction as I believed supporting the governing body required stern lungs, and sterner shamelessness to shout out in broad daylight which the ruling party was good at. It is the action, which counts, the honesty, in your voice, is what is reflected in slogans. 

The common man's woes, their weirdest cries were falling into deaf ears, nobody cared if the layman was writhing in pain of helplessness, the ruling party was more than engrossed in their political demonstrations, political ambitions to gain and acquire more n more. Ms. Mamata Banerjee emerged as the new fighter, hungry and avid for a new change, projected as the 'symbol of honesty'. Liked her, as she promised something anew, afresh and promised a new dimension in the political scenario. Thought West Bengal will be projected in a new light of development, will be up in a pedestal above all clinginess of adversities. Her unkempt hair is tied up in a loose bun while she wears a simple cotton sari and in inexpensive rubbler sandals, signaling that the Trinamool Congress Party leader is a champion of the common people… But alas!! It was not meant to be!! She came to power and is first woman to hold the office but her image and by extension of her party is getting tarnished day by day. Mamata Banerjee’s government in West Bengal has adopted the same opportunistic strategy of the rival Communists – a mix of antigrowth economics and populist rhetoric – that had turned the state into an economic swamp. Bengal has now replace neighboring Bihar as India’s cautionary tale, rife with laughable administrative staff, middle-class despair and Pinocchio politicians.

Once upon a time, I wanted to serve my people with any amount of help and wanted to see my city in a golden light.. but today am  thankful that I didn't take that dive.. I surrender, foolish people like me who still believe that something good can be done in a more progressive light, doesn't exist in the political scene in today's time. Am happy in clearing clutter in my house as this muddles of the power of the politics cannot be uncluttered..

Jus' a piece of advice to our dearest CM (pun intended) - please worry less about people's political affiliations and concentrate more on improving law and order in Bengal, among the worst today in the country.

You know that feelin'... it's confusing..

I haven't figured out what its all about. Not yet. The brevity of it is itself shocking.

Sometimes it seems like its all about being here and seeing everything, absorbing every bit of everything and going along with the happenings. Its like acting in a mega play, an array of characters to sift through. The lights are always focussed on you to mark and judge every act with a raised eyebrow. Pretension is the key to survival. Stiff competition for greater accolades. Academy awards don't exist in vain...do they?

 

Other times it feels like its more about nostalgic 'happy days' and romantic 'notebooks'. 'Titanic' love stories and being with '5 point somebodies'. Emotions rule the mind. The will is without shackles.

Its too difficult to distinguish betweeen the real and the reel.. unknowlingly and against my wishes I glide from one to another. Its like taking poly juice potions, my insides are ripped apart, the outside looks fine and I carry on like all the other people, or maybe there's only me.

I am a confused soul. I wear a skin of grey which I shed every now and then and slip into another. A deeper shade of grey.

Our Second Marriage Anniversary

Yesterday marked our second marriage anniversary. We've married for two years now!! A whole two years! Or... Only two years! Crazy!! It's been awesome. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship and married, understands that being a husband or wife comes with a great deal of responsibility. Along with deciding about the nit-picks of the daily routine and how each partner prefers things to get going, is the implicit understanding that the relationship needs a number of things to make it work. In those two years we’ve: we've learned SO MUCH.

The learning has been the greatest gift I’ve gotten from my marriage. And it’s been short, so I can only imagine how much I’ll have learned years fom now! AM and I are so similar and dissimilar in so many ways, and we think about and approach the world in very much the same ways – so it’s been specially interesting to learn about and observe the differences between us. AM has taught me a lot about patience, being cool-headed, and value of being together.

I’m one lucky gal, and in celebration of two awesome years of marriage to such an amazing person I wanted to share my thoughts for since our day of wedding. I didn’t share them till date, so I thought now might be a good time! I was feeling all gooey and mushy those days as our anniversary was approaching, and wanted to share just how freaking in love I am!

*********************************************************************

I knew when I first met you that you were my best friend.  You have taught me how to love better, love stronger, and love deeper than I ever thought that I even could.  You have made me a better person, and I have learned to love myself by seeing myself loved by you.  With you I have learned to be calm.  With you I have learned to be brave.  And with you I have learned the true meaning of partnership.

 

I am so excited for our lifetime of adventures:  I want to never stop learning together, and within reason, never stop making our major life decisions in a unusually impulsive fashion together.

I am so grateful that I have the privilege of spending the rest of our lives holding you up, holding you close, standing behind you and standing beside you.  I am going to push you to be everything you can be, and I know I can count on you to do the same for me.  I will care for you, for our children, for our home.  I’m going to make sure you fly, in every sense of the word.

Every day I am in awe of the kind, gentle, loving, and honest person you show yourself to be, to me and to the world.  I have said all these things to you before, and I will try to say them to you everyday for the rest of our lives – But I want to tell you here in front of the people that have made us who we both are, that I love all of your everything with all of my everything.

Am In LOVE With:

Abhijit (I simply cant live without him, a bit Filmi, but very true!)
Music (Can anyone really live without it?)
Books (True friend always!!)
Food (Sweets deserves special mention)
Him Again (Needs no explanation)
Our Car (New found love)
My School (Old love)
Denver (U fill up my senses!)
Dan Brown (Breathtaking)
Bengali & English (Still my favourite subjects)
Him (Yup I do love him a lot)
Clayderman (feel closer to heaven)
Calcutta (My City, My Place, that is where I actually belong)
Jana Gana Mana (Feels proud to be born in India)
Computers (Very Obvious)
Chatting (Unnecessarily wasting my time away)
Games (Greatest Stress Busters)
Dogs as pets (Longing for one)
Money (Who doesn’t love u?)
Him again
Black dresses (Do I have any of other colour?)
Movies (Sorry can't single out one)
Rabindranath (Genius)
Life (I just love the ups & downs of it although some of it is quite unpleasant)
Blue (My fav colour though I have this tremendous affinity towards black)
Satyajit Ray (Legend)
TV (Idiots do prefer idiot box)
Him again
Sadness (Coz that when u get to enjoy happier times)
Blogging (Sorry! I ignore it at times)
Him again
& finally
MYSELF!!

Doodles of a Delirious Mind!

Today after a sabbatical, am back with my bloggin'.. my last post was way back in May.. and now its November.. grey melancholia mood of winter is setting in during the morning hours.. maybe the afternoon warm Sun melted my heart and nudged me to reach out for my blog.. all this while I have just become more of a slothball.. the practice is gone and so is the touch and urge to write. Gone are the days when I started blogging enthusiastically, when I discovered I could write and express myself by writing - but "lyadh" gets the better of me. Its not good.. Started doing Facebook jus' out of curiosity, it helps but it destroys also. The creativity subsides. People just goes gaga over FB - they get a lot of friends and 'friends' and 'cheap popularity' (sarcasm fully intended). Despite repeated promises to my diary aka blog that I will be back, I never returned. And the blog has become like some old diary lying in the attic covered in dust. But they have been good friends, but whatever, doesn't matter...... see my habit is gone.. this is just bakwaas stuff!!

Watched Rockstar. Blown off!!! And we still have people sayin' Bodyguard and Dabaang are good movies!!! Yuk!!!! Sometimes I keep asking myself are we so dumb to love such films or is it just they have forgotten how to react.. I feel pity for all those who didnt like RS cause they are the backward lot who rarely cares about emotions!!

Talking of emotions, my mind strucks over love, the strongest of'em all as am heading towards my 2nd marriage anniversary.. time just flew by, and now after reachin' at this point of my life I can give a word or two lecture about marriage - marriage is just like walking on a tight rope, all about balance, comfort and compatability. This is the greatest institution where two people with varied interests one from Venus and the other from Mars work together to raise a family.

Knowing a stranger, sharing room and other stuffs with him or her, and then working on with little differences is itself an endless journey. Some long arguments on pity and silly issues like how to cut cauliflowers small or big florets (trust me even more silly than this) these are small packets and parcels of married life, when delivered you have to accept it with true spirit.

Often surprises keeps this relationship live and happening, it sometimes gives immense pleasure to discover a new thing about your partner, the inner qualities and virtues which are somehow shielded from the outer world.

Thanks A to be with me in every walk of my life. Love you more with each passing day..!! :-)

Politics Revisited!

Well, as the title implies.. today my post will be a bit *political*  in the terms of the recent *political history recreated* in Bengal.. initially I was a li'l apprehensive  to issue such a controversial and mature subject but then it would have been wrong on my side if I don't speak a word or two following the same..

I have left Bengal some 5 years down the line, and may be today I will be considered a neophyte to address such a grave matter but still I believe the innermost of me which had the upbringing in a highly conservative family who believed and still believes in severe Marxism. But as the 'black sheep' of the family who always went against the stride I never ever supported the bloody political views of Stalin or the illogical theories of Marxism.. I was always vocal about my apolitical thoughts and invited some hard-hitting criticism on my part from my heavy-weight political relatives. I couldn’t relate to the fact that how some big-wigs could only think about power or political strength other than doing something active about the progress of the state.. am a staunch supporter of my hometown, so if someones ever points out the shortcomings of  Kolkata, I strongly objects but then always in my back of mind I know that to some point they are right, we boast ourselves as one of the most intelligent and cultural individuals, with so much high heritage of music-art-literature.. we have Rabindranath Tagore, Satyajit Ray, Sukumar Ray, Sourav Ganguly to be proud of.. and at the same time we have Jyoti Basu, Subhash Chakraborty to be ashamed of.. we have the same party slogans to do nothing but to shout, Bandhs, Dharnas to be acclaimed for.. I wont lie there was a time when I wanted to join the political bandwagon (not of the existing power-greedy parties) but with some independent bodies who will think of people, for the people... but couldn’t do anything.. and now when I have grown into a strong independent lady still am stuck in the family life and putting my political ambitions in the backburner.. But chalo for a change at least someone had the guts to fight the CPIM's from the Bengal's political arena.. so kudos to Mamata Banerjee... but am still very unsure whether the Kolkatans will ever be free from the clutches of the political "drama"!

Well, to end just thought of sharing one of my experience related to the polls.. till date I have only casted my vote twice, during the first one I was thoroughly guided by my father and during the second & last poll I decided on my own to go for the "refuse to vote" option ( An article 49-O of the Indian Constitution allows you to do so). As I went inside the polling room, pre-decided to refuse my vote, got my verifications, signed the copy reverse, God knows why but that what the officials insisted upon. Maybe they saved a bit of 'hard work' - the 'hard work' of turning the copy every time someone signed.

And then I said " Ami amar ta vote ta cancel korte chai."

One official replied "Maane?"

Another said "Shey abar ki? Erokom hoy na, cancel korben maane?"

                       

I explained "Ami vote ditey refuse korchi."

Then one of the literate poll official said "Haan haan eta hoy, kora jay."

A visibly reluctant official said " Eta koriye dichhi, kintu apni amader khatalen beshi," he wrote down "refuse to vote" beside my name, visibly dissatisfied by the extra khatuni I imposed on him.

I went on to get the voter mark on my hand when the person giving the mark said “Apni to vote e denni keno debo daag? Debo na.”

“Apni bhul korchen ami vote diyechhi, niyom onujayi apnake kali lagatei hobe”, I replied.

“E abar kemon vote dewa holo, keno kali lagabo?”, asked the person controlling the EVM.

“Etao ek prokar vote dewa, kali lagan”, replied the official who seemed to be the most knowledgeable of the lot.

And there was I. Democratic right fully exercised while being a good citizen.

But the furore I created in a calm & quite polling booth with some ignorant officials just by refusing to vote proves one thing, that the common people hardly know theirs rights & some of the basic rules of the game. That refusal to vote after registering yourself in a polling booth was to me a slap to all those politicians and parties to whom the only thing that matters is the exploitation of power. The very fact that none of the political parties let know the common people of 49-O proves that what they care is selfish gain and in this way they are exploiting the common people of their basic rights. I’m sure only a handful of Indian citizens (especially Bengal citizens) know of this rule. Had they known it I personally feel a huge number of people would have chosen this path.

But anyways sob bhalo jar sesh bhalo.. ami holam lagamchara bebak manush.. so my thoughts, views don't follow the category of regular things..

Monalisa Mukherjee.